I was recently asked soem really fasinating questions regarding social media and youth for an interview. I have posted them below – what do you think has social media changed today’s youth?

1. Do you believe that social media sites have placed a pressure on our youth to perform or behave in a certain manner?

I think what social media has done is given our children an ‘always on’ perspective; they all feel that they are one YouTube away from being famous. However, I don’t think this is a pressure as such; I think it allows them to be more creative and express themselves more. Unlike before, social media teenagers can now play with identities and ways of behaving on line that may be different to who they are, to see how it fits them. They no longer have to play these things out in real life. I think there is a pressure to be always connected to our friends, so that we don’t miss out, but I don’t think the feeling is any different, just the medium used.

2.Do you feel that Facebook has driven young consumers to increase their clothing and cosmetics consumption?

No, not at all. Youngsters will always be interested in these things and actually they stay in much more than going out, so they may have less clothing. What it has done is make them feel pressured to always look good, but you can position a photo or webcam to only pick up the bits you want.

3. Do you feel that social media sites are breeding a ‘look at me’ culture, or at least fuelling materialism/consumption? If so, how does this occur?

Not necessarily a ‘look at me’ culture, but one of, ‘I am influential and have something to say’. Social media has given our young people so many more influences from all over the globe and I think this is certainly impacting their belief of their self importance. I don’t feel it is fuelling materialism/consumption at all, in fact I think it is making youth more discerning. They don’t listen so much to advertising messages and trust their friend’s recommendations over anything else.

4. What advice would you give to parents whose children are addicted to Facebook, or are posting pictures of them on the internet?

I always advise every parent that they need to make a condition of their child joining Facebook that they are their friend. I think we need to be careful about saying people are addicted to Facebook; just because a young person communicates that way and that is the way they connect, that is not an addiction, it is about connection.

I always advise parents to:

1. be your child’s friend.

2. Check through their friends regularly and challenge them on people you don’t know.

3. Ensure their privacy settings are set so their profile is private.

4. Have a technology-free day in your home where everyone is free from the computer.

As for posting pictures, if you’re child has their privacy settings set up correctly I see no problem with it, it is just a form of self-expression.

 5. Do you think that social media will have a positive or negative impact on Gen Y’s and Gen Z’s? If so, could you please expand on the matter?

Wow, big question!  I think it has had both.

Positive

It has made them more creative.

It has given them a voice.

It has opened them up to information.

It allows them to find innovative ways to communicate.

It allows them to be more discerning about the networks they build.

It is making them quick decision makers who are good at prioritising.

Negatives

I am not going to state the obvious like paedophiles and bullying, as I think they are old problems with a modern twist

Overload – modern teens fit 8.5 hrs into 6

The ‘always on’ mentality – always having to look good

The lack of consequences or responsibility in on-line behaviour

Increased search ability is meaning that teens are not learning the skills of researching and discerning information so well.

Lack of meaning – while the internet can deliver a lot, it cannot deliver the meaning of emotions such as honesty, etc.

What impact is social networking having on the family?

The first sentence you say to me tells me all I need to know!

After having spent 17 years working in this field, I came to a startling conclusion the other day. That conclusion? The first sentence you say to me about your child will determine if your situation is going to get any better. After coaching hundreds of parents and answering e-mails from thousands, I have got really good at telling instantly if their situation is easily solvable or if it is so systemic that it will take years of counselling to put right. How can you be so fickle, you may say? Experience is my answer.

That first sentence you say to me allows me to determine

 
• Your mindset
• If you want help or a magic wand
• If you take responsibility for your part
• and most importantly if I want to and can help you.

First lines that show there is hope

• My son is such a good kid but lately……
• I know inside he is hurting but…..
• We really want the best for her but she just seems to…..
• I am not sure what happened but……
All these lines show me that the parents sees this situation as temporary, not the fault of the child and is willing to do what it takes to turn a bad situation around. They still care and love their children and clearly do not see their child as broken or in need of fixing, they just want to make the situation better. These parents, with the right support can, in about 3 months turn a situation around, allowing the relationship with their child to blossom.

First lines that made me sigh
• My son has got ADHD
• My daughter is such a……
• My child is just so horrid!
• I just wish he would behave!

These lines tell me that the parent regards the problem as belonging to the child, something that the child needs to be cured from, something in which the parent has no part to play. These parents never appear to get the problem fixed and generally, will go around blaming their child for the rest of their life. It is not that there is no hope, there always is, it is just that the parents need to realise that they are part of the problem.

Why do I tell you this?

So you can measure your relationship with your child today. If you were writing an e-mail to me right now, what would be the first sentence? What does that tell you about how you see your child, how you view them? What does it tell you about the predominant thought you have of your child? If you could change that first sentence into an empowering one, what would it be?

• Just shifting from a disempowering mindset to an empowering one can transform what is happening in your home.
• Using disempowering words to describe your child or your relationship with them feels permanent, feels out of your control, feels like you have no hope … what a way to parent!
• Using empowering words to describe your child or relationship with them has a temporary feel, takes responsibility for your part in it and always believe things can change.

So let’s change some of those disempowering lines you are saying to yourself and start to say empowering lines that can transform your situation.

Are you up for playing? Having trouble flipping your sentence around? Just send them to me and let’s see what we can do sarah@sarahnewton.com.