How to set curfews with Teenagers

The most difficult thing a parent does.

There is no doubt about it setting curfews and having your teenager stick to them is one of the most stressful parenting challenges. I think we make it so difficult for ourselves sometimes as parents by thinking what we should do rather than what we want to do. I believe to be a successful parent we need to first get clear what we want in our own family, what we want in our relationship with our teenager, not stick to some generic way of parenting that some guru tells us works ! So if you are a parent who likes to do things differently then here are my tips for creating curfews with your teens that won’t mean you are shouting at them all the time.

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Family Dynamics: Learning To Openly Communication and Spend Quality Time Together

Communication in a Technical World

Your 12-year-old son plugs a pair of white ear buds into his ears, falls back onto the couch and starts scribbling away on his iPad. Your 15-year-old daughter is around the corner walking like a zombie around the house, with her head down, fully absorbed in text-message-wonderland. Your wife is, well….You’re not actually sure where your wife is because you’re too busy trying to fix the remote for the HD plasma TV you just bought. At this point, you have to wonder what the function of your home and family is, aside from providing food and shelter.

Communicate With Your Family IRL (In Real Life)

If this sounds all too familiar, you may be due for a family reality check! No longer should you make the excuse that technology is distracting your family members from spending time with one another. It’s not technology that’s forcing your family to tune each other out, it’s your lack of drive to keep the communication flowing.

Ed Young—The Family Man

Just ask Ed Young, one of the most insightful relationship gurus in the United States. Ed Young is an author, speaker, family man and a pastor at Fellowship Church in Grapevine, Texas. His unique perspective on family bonds, marriage and spirituality has attracted a worldwide following of all ages and persuasions.

Ed Young’s popular books, “Outrageous, Contagious Joy”, “Life’s Too Short” and “The Marriage Mirror” deal with themes of finding life’s true purpose, connecting with God through your loved ones and growing closer to your spouse. Young’s “Parent Map” DVD, as described on his site, offers some valuable advice regarding family priorities and connectedness.

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How To Make Your Kids Open Up About Sex

How do we get our teens to open up and talk about sex with us. My top tips.

Let’s talk about sex, or maybe not, teens are saying. A recent study has shown that teens want to talk about sex with their parents more than their parents want to.
Just over 50% of mums and dads express some level of unease at having the sex talk, compared to 82% of teens.
 So it looks like parents are far from alone in their discomfort.

However, with such an important topic, how do we get our teens to open up and talk about it with us.

Here are my top tips.

1. Don’t make the sex talk a big deal; anyone is bound to run away from this. Sex should be a conversation that runs through your child’s life rather than one talk in the teen years. Answer any question as honesty and age-appropriately as you can, whenever your child asks, so you both get comfortable talking about it.

2. Be honest – Let your child know that you feel uncomfortable talking about this and you know that they may too, but it is a conversation that you need to have and continue to have. Ask them how they want to learn about sex.  Do they want to talk with you, read a book, or watch a programme? How do they most feel comfortable learning what they need to know? Honour what they say but make sure you also talk with them. Also learn what they are being taught at school, so you can support that learning at home.

Make the sex talk easier with a pack of our Fink Conversation Cards 

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Getting Divorced? 6 Things To Tell Your Teen

What you must say to your teenager to lessen the blow of a divorce.

1. It’s not their fault. 

Teens are sensitive souls at a very vulnerable time of their lives. What you say now will make an impression. Let them know, despite how good or bad they were, that this break up is not in any way their fault.

2. That you love them.

I know this seems obvious, but it is not always done. Teens can think that a break means that you just didn’t love them enough to stay together. How many people say they stay together for the children? Better to let your teen know that you love them and you want them to see this is not a great relationship, rather than to stay together for their sake with everyone unhappy.

3. How things will change.

Teens worry how the break up will affect them and often the parents are too worried about themselves to worry about their child. Let them know what will and will not change as soon as you can and reassure them that you will do your best to keep things as they are now, if possible.

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The 5 things you should never say to children

Language has an Impact

Words matter, there is no doubt about it and what we say to our children can and will have a lasting

Recent research has shown that language has an impact. A new study has found that the phrase, “That’s so gay!” can have lasting effects on students who consider themselves as bisexual, gay, lesbian or transgender (LGBT).

Words matter, there is no doubt about it and what we say to our children can and will have a lasting effect of their future happiness.

Studies conducted by Dr. John Cacioppo of the University of Chicago have shown that negative words have a much greater impact in our brain, something called the Negativity Bias. Hence insults and criticism hit us hard and make a more lasting impact on us. We can’t offset one negative with one positive and experts argue that it takes anywhere from 2 -5 positive words to offset a negative one.
I don’t know about you, but I don’t fancy trying to remember each day how many bad and good things I have said to my children. Haven’t we got too much to do as parents anyway? I have to say though, in all of my 17 years in this field of parenting and teens I think there are some negatives that have more of lasting effects than others and are much more difficult to shake off. So here they are; the five things that you should NEVER say to your children.

1. You are stupid.

Can you believe that people say this? They do; I have heard it, whether it is said in jest or not, this saying has a lasting impact. This one is cutting to the core; don’t say it ever and if you hear someone saying it to your child, tell them immediately that it is not true.

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